The diary entry that follows is purely fictional. None of the situations expressed are linked to actual persons living or dead. Although some things may resemble actual events, the intent is not to relay a true diary but a fictional character that can express many different stories of women who have been abused. The intent is merely to bring awareness from the inside out since we mostly see abused women from the outside looking in.
Trigger warning – The content below contains wording which may be triggering to domestic abuse survivors.
Diary May 4, 2016
I really should keep up with my diary more frequently but it seems that my life has been one whirlwind after another. I can’t believe how much has happened to me over the past 2 and a half months. Here I sit in my own little house, well it’s not mine but it feels like it is. I am not sure why Minnie and Cora took me under their wings to help me but I can tell you the truth, they are truly angels in disguise. They keep telling me that they see something in me that draws them to me. I don’t know what that means but I am grateful. I have been going with them to church ever since I got out of the psychiatric hospital. Minnie calls me every Sunday morning to go to church. She has been such a blessing to me. I still don’t understand it all but I know that it was God’s plan for her to meet me along the road that day back in October. It was His plan to get me back into church and back into my relationship with Him. I am amazed at how He works.
Sometimes I think about the homeless people that I would talk to when I was out in the streets. Those people are still out there and I wish I could help each of them like I have been helped. I would have all of them come and live with me but there’s not enough room. Haha! I am not sure I would want to do that anyway. Being homeless is a state I don’t ever want to live through again. Many of the people I met are content to live in the streets because they have no families or they are alcoholics or drug addicts. I didn’t have addiction issues, I was just depressed all the time and suffering from PTSD.
You know what’s funny is I have a joy inside of me that has not been there in a very long time. It’s the joy of the Lord. I hope and pray that it never goes away. It’s a great feeling. I still have many things that I need to work on before I can actually say that I am completely healed but I am surely on my way. Jesus is a healer.
Last week as I was driving home from Kentucky I found myself in situations where God began to teach me some lessons. I share with you today in hopes that they will encourage and bless you as they did for me.As a truck was passing by on the left, I glanced over and saw the big tires rolling past and I became afraid. I quickly looked forward at the road in front of me while gripping the steering wheel. I felt like the Lord was teaching me in that moment that the key to overcoming fear is keeping my focus on Jesus. The scripture that came to mind was:
“A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” (Psalm 91:7 NIV)
As I continued down the road, my GPS said to stay on the left however, I saw a sign which told me that I actually needed to be on the right. Had I stayed left I would have been going the wrong way. Oh thank You Lord for another lesson. We must pay attention to the signs the Lord gives us on our journey and be sure that we are not distracted by the enemy’s voice to try to steer us in the wrong direction.
Shortly after this, a car merged onto the highway from the left and almost hit me. I thought this was representative of how the enemy tries to distract and cause us to lose focus on Jesus.
I continued driving through some construction areas that were kind of scary to navigate so I kept my focus on the car in front of me. He turned off to the right and I followed when suddenly I thought “uh oh!” I am going the wrong way now. How important is it that we are following the One that truly knows the way we are to go? That is Jesus. Fortunately the turn did not take me off course it merely took me off the express route. See we can follow other people, ideas or paths that take us off course from the clear path but that just results in it taking longer to reach our destination.
As I passed the windmills I was struck by their uniformity in how the lights seemed to create a symphony of red across miles of land. It was beautiful and reminded me of the importance of unity in the Body of Christ.
I was praying and suddenly found myself saying how darkness cannot live in the light but there can be shadows. That was a revelation that I cannot say I ever thought of but represents the condition of the church as we have people who think they are saved because they said a prayer but there was no real repentance or transformation so those people are actually living in darkness. The other side of that is true born again believers who have been transformed by the power of Jesus but may slip into sin and that is like a shadow but with true repentance they continue to live in the light.
I absolutely love how God speaks to us through everday events when we pay attention. For me, that trip home was a wonderful journey of unfolding lessons. May we all keep our eyes and ears attentive to the lessons the Spirit of God would teach us in the midst of walking through this life.