Category Archives: Courage

Am I Ready for the Next Level of Healing?

Woman thinking

I blink fast to try to clear the blur from the water leaking from my eyes as I contemplate my surroundings. The hustle and bustle around me with voices ranging from joyous laughter to angry banter cause me to reflect on times past. Days of confusion and fear fill my memory of holidays oh so long ago. The aroma of alcohol and drugs are so strongly embedded in my mind that I gag shaking my head to try to dispel the scent. “Mommy, mommy look Santa came!” Yes, Santa only came because the lady at Head Start loved my family and looked out for us when we had nothing. “Mommy why is your eye red?” “It’s okay baby, go play with your new toy from Santa.” Sadly my 6 year old knew why my eye was red but what do you say to a question like that. The smiles of that day were plastic trying to shield the void in my soul and the fear that plagued every waking moment. Under my feet the crunching sound of eggshells filled my ears yet no one could know, no one could see, no one could help.

“Ma’am? May I help you?” The vision center worker broke through my thoughts bringing me back to today. “Yes, yes I’m here to order glasses.”

Driving home from the vision center, my mind reaches back once again to the days of old. Glimpses of my past have been entering my thoughts lately. I know it’s time for yet another process of healing to unfold for me. As soon as I think there is nothing more to work on in my life, God puts His finger on something and says “What about this?” My response tends to be “Let’s put that under the rug and leave it alone” but God says “No”. He always wins, after all, He is God and I am not, He knows best and His timing is perfect. Am I ready for the next level of healing? I hear Him whisper “Yes, my daughter” So with a heavy sigh I say “Yes Lord, let the next level of healing begin.”

What is the Lord putting His finger on in your life? Will you say Yes and let the healing begin?

My One Word for 2015

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I haven’t made New Year’s Resolutions for a while now but each year I usually feel impressed by the Holy Spirit to focus on one area where He is dealing with me and it usually boils down to one word. That one word typically becomes the theme for my year. Well on Christmas Eve I happened to choose a Reading Plan on my Bible.com app called “One Word That Will Change Your Life”. It was a 4 day devotional plan that helps you simplify your life by choosing one word to focus on for the year. Interestingly I had not been trying to figure out my 2015 word yet so I thought this devotional was timely. I finished the plan and chose a word but I wasn’t sure about my choice so I just tucked it in my heart. This morning I was challenged to re-think my choice. I’m pretty sure that my new word choice is Holy Spirit ordained and makes much more sense to me than my first choice.

Let me step back for a moment and share what has led me to my one word choice. When I wrote about not wanting to be depressed for the holidays I was truly in a good place in my life and had absolutely no reason to think that I would succumb to depression in just a short period of time. Just a short time after posting that blog I got one bad report, then another and then another and suddenly the familiar stench of the miry pit had encapsulated me once again. It was not just one set of circumstances, it was a myriad of problems that all popped up within a very short time span. Isn’t that the way it always happens? Most of us can handle a problem without losing it or falling into a depression but when we are caught in a seeming ambush of problems from all directions it further complicates matters. In just a moment of weakness and vulnerability I found myself in the miry pit just a few days before Christmas.

All of my good sense obviously went out the window because instead of reaching out to my prayer partners to ask for prayer I turned away from everyone and shut myself off from the world like I used to do. My reasoning was that I needed to shut myself away so I could be alone with God as I knew He was putting His finger on something in my life. That something was fear. Fear was all up in my face and I didn’t want to trouble any of my sisters in Christ because it was Christmas you know. How could I intrude on anyone’s joy with my issues? Oh that’s the lie of the enemy right there because it only takes 10 seconds to reach out to someone for prayer. I know I would never have a problem with someone coming to me for prayer so why do I think my friends would not do the same? But you see when the miry pit overtakes you it’s hard to see past the darkness.

Thankfully the Light of Jesus dispels the darkness and just when I thought I was stuck in that pit again the Lord sent a praying friend my way. That was just to let me know that He was still there. Over the next couple days the Lord picked me up once again, brought me out of the miry clay and set my feet back on solid ground. My problems are still surrounding me but I am no longer looking at them. My gaze and my focus is on Christ alone. This leads me to today and my one word for 2015. My word is COURAGE. You see the Lord has been speaking the verse from Joshua 1:9 to me for a few years now…

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” (‭Joshua‬ ‭1‬:‭9‬ NKJV)

It’s time I change my perspective of this verse from just knowing that God is with me and that He tells me not to be afraid. He says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage”. This is not a suggestion, it’s a command. As I look over 2014, I’ve counted 5 times that fear has overtaken me and caused me to go back into the miry clay. Each time it has been a shorter time span and I see the gap has been closing. I’m declaring right now that it is time to put this fear problem behind me. I’m asking God to give me revelation to show me what courage looks like and how to walk in it. There is too much going on in this world for me to be held back by fear and it is time to get this settled.

Lord Jesus, I am surrendering to You once again. I’m asking that You reveal to me what courage looks like and how to walk in it. I know that You are my source and I trust that as I keep my focus on You that I will continue to move beyond the miry clay.

Lord Jesus, I ask that You speak to each reader of this blog and bless them to be able to surrender whatever issue or area of their life that You want to heal in 2015.

What will your one word be for 2015? Please check out the GetOneWord.com for resources to help you discover your one word. Most importantly ask Jesus for the word He wants you to focus on. Feel free to share with me in the comments when you get your word. Thank you for following my journey. Happy New Year!! God bless you all!!

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How many times?

Joshua 1:9 NKJV
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

How many times will The Lord tell me that He is with me? How many times will He tell me to NOT be afraid? How many times will I hear the words and it just doesn’t sink in? When will I get it? When will I live it?

This is a command not a suggestion. I have to wonder if Joshua was like me in that he heard the words but didn’t really believe it. I mean God told Joshua several times as well and we only know the times recorded in the scriptures. I’m sure that there is a reason that He told Joshua several times and if I’m right then Joshua and I have some things in common. Lack of confidence! Fear! Feeling weak and vulnerable! I’m sure it was a little different for Joshua since he was a man and all. I just know that for the past four years God continues to remind me of this command.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

He is with me wherever I go. God is with me wherever I go. Wow! That’s powerful. So if it is true that God is with me wherever I go then there really is no reason to be afraid. In human perspective I guess it’s like having your big strong father or big strong brother with you all the time. No bullies would think about messing with you when you have a big strong father or brother with you. Right?

So why do I still fear, lack courage and become dismayed? Unbelief. I don’t really believe it. I don’t like admitting that but it has to be true. We act on our beliefs, right? So if I truly believed that God is with me everywhere I go then I would never be afraid. I could walk in confidence knowing my Heavenly Father has my back in all circumstances. All! As in everything! Everywhere!

I pray that this will become a truth in my life. I pray that the Holy Spirit will bring such revelation to my spirit that I will no longer need The Lord to remind me of this verse because it will be so ingrained in my life that no reminder will be necessary. It will be lived out in every breath I take, every step I take, every moment, every day of my life. Let it start today Lord. In Jesus name.